Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 221.5 lbs.

Well, I just got back from todays job “interview” part III, and am more confused than ever. First off, when I arrived the waiting room was packed to the gills with standing room only, and shouts of: “Hi Donna! What are you doing here?!” and “You look nice, Donna!” came from everywhere. I was delighted to see some of my past clients and other individuals that I know from various work experiences. It was like Old Home Days in the waiting room, and it felt familiar and comfortable, and this whet my appetite for the position.

However, when the director came to get me, he immediately apologized that he was alone, as the head guy who I was supposed to meet and supposedly was the reason for this return appointment, was not available today after all. And he never mentioned where “Patti” was ( the original person I met with who he had told me on the phone would also be with us today).

In any event, he was polite and kind, and we started out on a very positive note and he shared how Patti had highly recommended me and how they had stopped looking after my interview as they were interested in me. He said that they did fill the full time job however, as he understood that I was not interested in this.

He then asked if I remained interested, for which I referenced the e-mail I had sent him immediately following my last interview with him some weeks ago, in which I specified my salary requirements etc.

And, he said that he never got it! He spoke of spam filters and some changes in their computer system, and how sometimes even his kids’ messages don’t come through. So clearly, I had only assumed that he was aware of and had found a way to meet my request…and this became that much more painfully clear when he said that they had already worked out a deal for this for me, and the best they had come up with was a full $5 less an hour than my minimum. This equals $10 less than my starting salary 15 years ago where I currently work. I shared this with him and he was very understanding and regretful, and the bottom line is that although they clearly want me, and he recognizes that they have difficulties with hiring across the board due to their salary structure, that there is nothing he felt that he could do at this time. He did mention that staff have received 4 “bonuses” already this year and are likely to receive a fifth, but he offered up that he feared that this wouldn’t change the bottom line enough  to count for me. Perhaps I should have asked for more details about this and maybe it would have mattered, but neither of us pursued this line any further.

Instead, we apologized and groused about him having been unaware until now of my expectations, and he sadly said that he supposed that they would have to “quietly” readvertise again for the position. I felt badly at every level, and asked if they would consider having me work not a 20 hour week but perhaps just one day (Friday) instead, and he said that he was unsure if they could split the 20 hours they had hoped for amongst 2 employees, and that this might make hiring that much more difficult. He did ask me to think about everything, and I said that I would, including whether I wanted to pursue this possibility of an 8 hour week IF this could be an option, and we would talk again early next week. We joked with one another that I call and not write him, and that even if things did not work out this time around, that he hoped that we’d meet again and that perhaps some day they could find there way to get me on board.

So, if this is the final chapter and I choose not to pursue it or see if there is any factor left to negotiate, I guess that it went as well and ended as well as it could have. Although I truly feel bad that anything I may have done has made their hiring process more difficult and prolonged their getting someone on board - as I personally know of some individuals who have been waiting a long time to get helped by them and they clearly need to hire someone soon.

Interestingly, it did sound as if even if I took the position as is, that I would be required to attend orientation, training, SCIP certification and other stuff before starting anyway, and that this would likely mean not until the New Year. He also said that the days and time of my 20 hours would be “up to you” - two factors that make things sound that much more appealing and make me wonder if I am being foolish to not accept the position after all. In that I agreed to “think about it over the weekend”, I clearly still could. And as my friend Nancy pointed out, I didn’t start this ball rolling just for the money anyway.

Arghhh…what should I do??!! I could spend hours writing pros and cons for both sides, including that if I sit still with where I now work, it is likely to grow back up OR fall all to pieces, leaving me either back up to full hours, or unemployed altogether if we go bust due to some Medicaid or audit issue or whatever.

Well, I am getting a headache from it all and no doubt will ponder this a lot in the next few days. Any advice is welcome from anyone, and for now, I am going out grocery shopping to take my mind off of it before it combusts, and to stock up on good foods I can feed my anxiety with!