Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 223.5 lbs.

Today, although off from work (and perhaps BECAUSE of being off from work), my energy level is funky, I am grumpy, and I feel restless and agitated. I am making a mighty effort to get things accomplished, but am kind of spinning my wheels. I hate when this happens!

I did do my usual workout this morning, ate a hearty breakfast of leftover steak (from last night’s dinner out) and eggs, and hung some pictures we had hanging around.

Last night, Tom really wanted to eat out at the restaurant we had chosen when we figured on going with Janet, so we did end up going there alone. Texas Roadhouse had a special for $8.99 that included an 8 oz sirloin and 2 sides. I ordered a salad and some chili with it. Not exactly low fat, but certainly met my protein needs, I expect! I ate all the chili, bites of salad before I handed over the rest to Tom, and about 1/4 of the steak. Oh, and a few peanuts from the endless supply they have on the tables for the munchin’.

I didn’t lose, so again, I guess this was too much calories or fat or food period. In the comments section of this site there is a hearty dialogue going on regarding whether there is an inate difference between those who have had gastric bypass. I keep pondering about my ability, since day one post-op, to eat most anything, and a lot of it. My appetitie has never really been compromised by the surgery, and I seem to amaze others regularily (and myself at times) with my ability to EAT. This is in stark contrast to what seems to be the more typical gber, who can only eat bits before getting very full and/or throwing up. Only a few times have I experienced such a sensation, so believe that I may have some sense of what this may be like. And, at the time, it was believed to be due to gastric upset or an ulcer, and I was on Prilosec to address it.

I can’t help but wonder if my seemingly slow progress and weight fluctuations relate, and in general, if the bottom line is that I do eat more and hold more in, because I CAN. Since day one! This doesn’t seem to be about pouch stretching, will power or ignoring of my signals, to me. Now I realize that I may be shot by those of opposite experience, and hanged for implying that there is any less a conscious effort or struggle, or for what appears to be vindication of my responsibility in the matter. I do know that the surgery is only a tool and blah, blah, BUT, still am in awe of those who glide through the numbers, can only eat tiny amounts, and lose to skinny with what seems to be record speed and relative “ease”. A big appetite and ability to eat like a “normal” person has sure made this what seems to be more of an effort on my part. This I would expect in time - perhaps my 2nd year, but not in the first 6 months or since day one.

Well, please don’t shoot me for raising (again?) this subject - but it is a question that has stymied me through time and raises questions for me about biological or physiological factors that may differ amongst people who have had this surgery. Please tell me that I’m not the only one that has noticed vast differences or wondered such a thing. And please understand the difference between questioning and wondering, AND attempting to shirk responsibility for what is my role to play, for my choices and at times, bad ones, and for my recogniti0n that my stomach is only one small part of the bigger picture. I do get this and mean no disrespect or disregard….

See what happens when I have a day off?! Geez - I think I had better RUN, not walk, to the job that appears to be waiting for me! And unfortunately, I expect that you would agree!!