Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 225 lbs.

Well, I still haven’t got back down to my weight from a few days back, and remain stymied as to what keeps getting in my way. I had only sliced turkey breast, a banana, some cashews,  chicken soup (minus the noodles) and beef souvlaki yesterday. By my calculations, except for the banana at work, it was largely low carb and high protein food choices. Although I did skip working out yesterday, I have done it every day before and am back on track today as well.

Sometimes, in addition to all the usual “worries”, I wonder whether my sodium intake effects things, especially as it seems that soups tend to contribute a lot to my “stalls” or gains, as historically have certain salty food items . Also, I do wonder if I am drinking enough, and if perhaps the decafs that I tend to sip on throughout the day may not be the best choice of hydration. I am quite addicted to my coffee though, and would be heartbroken if I had to limit this especially as I think it has become somewhat of a substitute addiction for food.

In other, less self pitying and less boring news, Tom and I went to several estate sales this morning as I am still off on Fridays while I remain in employment limbo. For years I have harbored ill will towards the estate company that we used when Tom’s uncle died and he was left as executor. At the time, Rick Kaye seemed as good a bet as any of the local liquidators, but we found him very difficult to work with, he had an unusual demeanor, and then after the event, he claimed to have discarded all of the estates receipts for the items sold during his three day sale. Tom’s uncle lived alone in nearly the same house for over 70 years, so needless to say, there were thousands of things for sale, and to be left with no proof of what went and what price it went for, was unusual at the time, and appalling in retrospect. Even when asked, he was defensive and rude, but ultimately typed up a list of things that went for over $40 from “memory” at my insistence. Upon inspection, MANY items were absent from this list, both large and small. Now, estate liquidators who we have had occassion to talk to while attending others sales, have ALL told us how highly suspicious, unethical, even reprehensible it is to have not been able to produce receipts for the family, as they all do it as a matter of course. In fact, many individuals need these for legal purposes.

So all these years later I regret not having listened to my screaming guts at the time and realize, even in the earliest stages and before we signed a contract with him, what a jerk he was. I haven’t even written all the other indicators of this yet, and it still almost makes me too mad to see straight. I totally don’t handle unethical or being used, well at all!

In any event, I am not one to sit still forever while harboring negative energy - and finally, after 2 years of feeling slimed, today I took a stand and wrote him to ensure that he at least be aware of our dissatisfaction and recognition that we’d been “had.” For some reason, I had done nothing but sit with these feelings for all this time, until now. Perhaps meeting and talking to other estate liquidators and learning from them, as well as with Rose who used another company for her father’s house and was “thrilled” with their manner and ethics and the large sum they purportedly generated for the estate, has solidified my concerns. Or perhaps, I’m just finally ready now.

 Hopefully what I wrote doesn’t constitute slander when you say it straight to the person involved, but at this point, I need an outlet for my long brewing outrage, and  hopefully I can find some peace about what was such a horrible experience a few years back. Especially given that losing someone is so difficultt and painful anyway, that it truly is salt in your wounds to feel taken advantage of when most vulnerable.

Not to mention that repressed anger (or grief or hurt or sadness) makes me eat more.  (So see, I somehow tied this all in to my bariatric blog for all of our sakes!)

In a nicer vein, Tom and I are headed out to a big Chinese Auction tonight, and hope that our friends can meet us there as planned. We will eat out beforehand, probably again at a Greek restaurant, although the ad says that they do have food there. I fear it is probably things like pizza and snacks, and the last thing I want to do is go there hungry and be tempted. Hopefully I will be consumed with an attempt to win, win, win, and less interested in eating there anyway! Feel free to wish me luck on both accounts - although I suppose the eating part is less about luck and more about willpower, really!