Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 225.5 lbs.

At this moment in time, I can really relate to the reasoning behind not weighing yourself every day. I had so hoped that by adding in daily exercise and kicking myself up a notch in every way, that I might no longer have those annoying fluctuations in my weight that can make me crazy if I let them. It is SO discouraging to have my weight go back up again, despite knowing that between my diet and exercise, I am doing better than ever lately. Why can’t I be one of those people who never sees the same number twice and drops more quickly and seemingly effortlessly, at least in these relatively early days?! When I read about such others (I know, I know, I shouldn’t compare and quit it and stop yur whining and all the rest…!), I realize how far behind the “curve” I really am, and can identify several others that have lost up to one third as much as I have already despite similar starting numbers. I bet they went straight down and didn’t continue to fear and dread the scale as I often continue to!

Whine, moan, groan!

The point is, before stepping it up I could at least blame the fact that I wasn’t moving enough, on my “stalls” and periodic gains and fluctuations. I could also acknowledge that slowness in losing was also my “fault” as a hearty eater who takes liberties. But honestly - I have been better in both regards, and now rarely even go out to eat at all. If I eat “bad” (ie:carby) foods at all, it is just tastes and bites, unless fruits count in this way (?) Do I really hafta cut out whole food groups and cut back even further to see results?

Or, should I be more patient, less focused on daily weights and more so on the long term, and remember what I even tell others (something about slow and steady and keeping on track!) Ack - I hate having to use such mantras so often on myself! And some days it’s harder than others. Today I guess I am just in a less grateful, more self critical place. Still some leftover grumpies from yesterday, as well. Snark!

Also, we remain worried about how “mom” is faring, and now Tom’s God daughter in Iowa as well, as it seems that she has taken ill with a bad flu that we can only hope isn’t the dreaded type. Either way, its worrisome and wearisome especially for Ker’is mom, who now has the burden of caring for both her daughter and her mother-in-law.

And I still haven’t heard from the job and the Atlantic City rep. regarding the room charge was rude and insisted we owe and …yeesh, I can’t even stand to hear my own self anymore and I really need to get a  grip and a better perspective!

Well, I feel as if I’d better cut this short today as I am no bearer of good tidings. I’m not sure if my mood is precipitating my negativity and somber thoughts, or if living with such sobering realities is precipitating my negative mood. Oh well - I suppose it doesn’t really matter whether the chicken or the egg came first….

Either way - one must keep their chin up and march forward, right?!