Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 224.5 lbs.

Sigh - its been a long work day and I am spent. I am grumpy too, if you must know. I’m not sure why, but stress and pressure is likely the cause. I was also unhappy to come home to a credit card fee for our recent trip to Atlantic City, although when we checked out, we were told that the rooms were comped and there was no charge. I just hate these kinds of things as at minimum, they require time and effort to resolve, and always seem to emerge when I am already most stressed and least able to deal with them!

Otherwise, I can’t complain (although I do, and will continue to). Tom’s mother remains ok, and I am assuming that no news is good news in this regard.

I still have not heard a peep about the job, and am learning to live, sort of, with the limbo. When meeting with my boss this evening, this came up as did the ramifications of it should I be hired there, and it is difficult to know how to address this when I am unsure of where I stand job wise. For instance, we would like for me to run some counseling groups where I now work, but it remains up in the air as to if and when I now could find time to do this, given that I may be commited to up to 20 hours elsewhere that would seriously effect my ability to commit to this or currently know for sure what days and times I would have available to start something new here. Sigh again.

In other news, I am maintaining my commitment to working out daily, at least, and ran through my routine as usual early this morning. I am someone who hates doing this mostly because of the time it takes away from all the things my head is telling me that I should be doing instead. Like this morning, I was visually rearranging furniture in the basement and finding things for the spring garage sale, while “biking” and using the treadmill. Then, once I was done, it was too late to actually do these things as I had to get ready for work - and I hate having to decide between one or the other.  I am definitely much more of a planner, organizer and overall cerebral person than I am a physical one - but I plan to transform myself even if just for the moment, to the best of my ability. Tom, on the other hand, is able to lose himself in his workouts and enjoy them fully. I wish I weren’t so distracted by OCD like thoughts and ideas so I too could live more in the moment and appreciate what I am doing at the time. I wonder if this is partly the difference between men and women anyway, though. Hmmm….

Well, I am off to figure out what to eat for din din. All I’ve had today is some cheese on whole wheat for breakfast, and a banana, some cashews and a 90 calorie South Beach diet bar for lunch and snack. Needless to say, I am quite hungry!

And, come to think of it, this may answer the question of why I am so grumpy! I’m sure that Tom too will want me to eat NOW!