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Weight: 219.3 lbs.
What a nice time we had catching up and spending the day with Rose yesterday! Given that we had over two decades of catching up to do, it was a good thing that the benefit we went to lasted until dinnertime and that we all ended up so hungry when it was over, that we decided to spend even more time together and eat dinner at the Towne restaurant.
Rose was fun, interesting, lively and pleasant company and I decided early on to tell her about my gastric bypass. This would have been a hard subject to avoid anyway since we ended up eating breakfast, snack and dinner with her, and the surgery dictates my choices, habits and appetite. (Not to mention my hair style!) She was very understanding and supportive, and referred to a past friend of hers who also had gastric bypass and was well on her way to losing lots of weight before she and Rose lost touch. Rose seemed aware of some of the issues involved with the surgery and its aftermath, and this made it an easy topic to discuss as a result. She was shocked when I showed her my BJ’s id photo where my face looks like mega gordo woman, and I am grateful that she didn’t have to see this old me in person!
Eating wise, I didn’t make the best choices yesterday, as I did eat bites of buttered wheat toast and home fries that accompanied my souvlaki omelet at breakfast (Danny’s was closed so we chose to go Greek). Then, at the benefit, I ordered a tuna pita sandwich and ate some of the bread and a wee dessert that came with it. I could have done worse however, as there were gobs of homeade desserts, chips and many other snack items for the asking.
On the way back which made the long trip even longer, we got stuck in returning traffic from the Buffalo Bills game and we all decided that we were hungry once more and that Greek would be a good idea again. We ended up downtown and I realized that I wasn’t up to a whole meal, so ordered chili instead. I was near to finishing the entire bowl but lost the remainder of my appetite, which was a good thing, when my nemesis R.K. walked in (who I’ve mentioned in past posts as the unethical estate liquidator we had the misfortune of using when Tom’s uncle died) . Seeing as I had just recently written him a scathing letter outline my outrage at how he handled “our” affairs, it was awkward to see him (and vice versa, I expect!) to say the least! Too bad this didn’t makle me lose my cookies altogether, for as you can see, the chili etc. did manage to stick to my bones and I have gained a half a pound as a result.
In any event, I ate and played too much yesterday, but then again, what else is new!? Today I have increased my work out in an attempt to allay my guilt, and hopefully, will make better choices, including when at the casino this evening.
In final news, I dragged Tom out shopping with me earlier today, and one of the places I insisted we go was A.J.Wrights, as they are my favorite cheap place to shop for underwear. So here I am surrounded by Christmas shoppers and bargains, buying armloads of undies! But, for under $20, I bought enough to last me until I am another size lower, and then some. Plus, I got a warm flannel nightgown to cover my now always freezing body. I have been trolling the gastric bypass support sites recently to look into this always cold phenomena, as well as recently posted a question about this on obesityhelp.com. I guess that I have learned that feeling colder is common after both weight loss and this type of surgery - although it is still hard for me to understand this fully as I remain fat and padded and it is counterintuitive that I would freeze at this weight going DOWN, when I didn’t at the same weight going UP. Go figure…!
And speaking of which, my hands are getting numb from cold as I type this, and I had better either stop or turn the heat up (more!)…. I think i’ll choose the former and go use my hands in some warmer manner! Bye!
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Weight: 218.6 lbs.
After going to bed after midnight because I was busy playing scrabble on my new laptop, I woke bright and early buzzing with energy. How early? Try 4:12 a.m. Something is seriously wrong with me! I didn’t actually get up, but pondered life until about 5:45, and then got up with Tom who woke before his 6 am alarm went off, so that he could head to 7 am mass.
We had to get an early start (although not THIS early!) as we are picking up our old friend, Rose at 10:30 and spending the day with her. We also have errands to run enroute. And, I must read the paper and do usual Sunday morning fussing first! Can you tell that I am wired?
Today should be a very interesting day catching up with someone neither of us has seen for about 25 years. Rose was a part of Tom’s and my early life together when I was the head of an animal rights group, and Tom and his then wife were members along with Rose and her sister. We were all very close, but lost touch for years. I’m sure that we will have much to catch up on today, along with enjoying the benefit where we will also see newer friends, bid on things, and eat.
We are heading to Danny’s for lunch along the way, and hopefully this will suit for Rose’s vegetarian diet and also allow me to stay on track.
I have already worked out this morning and hope to stay focused on healthy living. If there is time, we also plan to go shopping so I can buy new, smaller sized underwear as I am floating in my current ones. I caught an episode of What Not To Wear last night, and found myself to be shockingly similar to a woman named Bailey, who had lost nearly 70 lbs., yet continued to wear her original sized clothes out of comfort, familiarity and a distorted sense of self/sizes. Once dressed properly after given a great deal of help and moral support to change, she did look amazing and helped me get a new appreciation for the concept of clothes making or breaking a person. That having been said, I haven’t dressed yet for todays reunion, and only hope that I have something even remotely flattering to wear. As it is, I expect that I am sizes bigger than when Rose last saw me in my twenties, and expect to be rather self conscious about this.
Well, I’d better get dressing and prepping for the long day ahead. Should make for interesting press tomorrow!
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Weight: 219.0 lbs.
Today I am writing this on my new laptop! Yesterday we actually won at the casino, and ended up heading to Best Buy with cash on hand and got the laptopt of my dreams. Actually, although we did extremely well yesterday, and had the unusual experience of winning on most machines we touched, we were less up than at one point earlier in, but still came hope significantly ahead. What a pleasure to pay cash for this computer!
On the other hand, there is nothing I hate more than the setting up and configuring of things, and were it not for our friend Dennis coming over early this morning to help, we would probably never be able to even use this thing.
In other more relevent news, I did get overly hungry while at the casino yesterday, as we waiting too many hours before eating due to our pre-dinner winning streak. Once let loose in the buffet, I did some damage, and even went for a small piece of pumpkin pie for dessert. But, once again, I have hardly gained - although perhaps I could be losing as I’m sure I ought to be.
Well, there’s always tomorrow to do better by things, and today is yesterday’s tomorrow, and I worked out twice as hard this morning and have eaten well thus far, so hopefully I am already repenting properly for my dietary sins.
Today otherwise is gearing up to be focused on tech. issues and cleaning out our computer room and files etc. I was supposed to do lunch with a cousin, but she called last night to cancel. I fear that I will be buggy before the day is out as I can only stand both being in all day AND tech. stuff for so long, before fraying. So, I can foresee that Tom and I may choose to head out either for dinner or something social before the day is over. Tomorrow we will be gone from early until late as we are headed out with our long lost friend and to attend a benefit for a cat charity that we belong to. We are planning to eat out with Rose enroute, and I may suggest we go to Danny’s for their soup and salad bar etc., as Rose is a vegetarian and I am well, a pain. Plus, Tom loves it there and it is a familiar and safe bet.
Nothing else to speak of this rather gloomy and boring Saturday, so why bother to drivel on here! Happy weekend to all!
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Weight: 218.9 lbs.
Last October I was hit broadside by a little old lady while driving my Honda CR-V. Her car imbedding itself into my driver door stopped my Honda dead in its tracks and totalled my vehicle. However, at the time of the crash, the engine did not die, but rather revved up in speed to a high whine, making me think that the car would explode if I didn’t figure out how to turn it off quickly enough. This was a difficult process as I was rather in shock and had to wrangle myself out of the squashed driver’s side, first. I was sure that the vehicle was going to go up in a fiery ball of fire at any moment as the engine only seemed to rev higher in moments before I managed to abort it.
This may be a bad analogy - but this is a lot like how I have been feeling lately. Today the alarm was set for 5 am so that we could get out for the early black Friday bargains - but I awoke with my engine speeding, at 4:00. This has been happening a lot to me lately, and although peppy, it is a rather discomforting feeling, tinged with anxiety and restless energy. I then feel as if I too will explode if I keep running on such high gear, and ultimately, I do burn out altogether and feel achey, exhausted and crummy for a while before it starts all over again. I have developed some insomnia lately in concert with this “agitation”, and don’t know whether to blame my nearly 50 year old hormones, weight loss or better heatlh for all this new found energy, bordering on mania.
I guess that today it served a purpose, as we managed to be in line at Office Depot around 5:30 am, AND succeeded in finding everything on our (my!) wish list there. I have purchased all the acoutrements for my laptop - although have not yet gotten the laptop itself. Believe it or not, the Office Depot experience turned out to be strangely pleasant, as first we ended up in line next to one of my favorite client’s fathers who I have known for years, and were able to catch up and share interesting conversation with. Then, in the store, the (hoardes of) customers themselves were strangely pleasant and helpful, with one even going so far as to find me in a huge line and present me with an upgraded version of a product that he had helped me to locate in the first place, explaining that he discovered that this one was at the same discounted price, but had a bonus in the package. I never would have known this myself! Just before this, I was similarily helped by other total strangers in locating other sales items even when there were only a few left and were on the verge of being sold out at any minute.
The other thing that I am hoping that my energy may be good for, is both seeing me through daily work outs AND continuing to lose weight even when eating too much, as I did yesterday. What a pleasant surprise today’s weigh in was, considering this. Let’s hope the scale can continue to be this forgiving! (Although for my part, I will try to not keep tempting fate as much, either!)
In other news, we will be heading to the casino soon, but I opted to write here first just in case we either win huge OR lose our shirts, and I am so distracted by this that I am unable to even blog later. Which scenario do you think is more likely?!
Now, I also hope not to lose my good energy rush while there, and fall asleep at a machine or something. I am already starting to deaccelerate and may need some coffee or something to even just make it there. Please wish us luck on all accounts, and if we survive all this fun, I’ll cue you in tomorrow.
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Weight: 219.1 lbs.
Today I weighed exactly what I did yesterday - to a tenth of a lb! I love the new scale because it measures so precisely, but also because I was starting to suspect that some of my weight fluctuations might really be scale issues. So, now I feel more confident that I will have a more accurate read on how I am really doing at any given moment.
I just weighed myself again today as I have returned from a Thanksgiving eating frenzy and am already wondering what this might cost me, weight wise. I logged in at 220.8…not bad, considering my dinner! We went to Zoe and Dennis’ as planned, and they had every traditional dish known to man. And, I ate at least a bite or two of all of them! This included: stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, spinach casserole, yams, cranberry sauce and olives. I filled my plate as I might have in the pre-gastric bypass days, which was stupid at every level…but at least I then pushed the excess away (to Tom!) before filling up past my pouch’s capacity. Being that this was my first holiday extravaganza since surgery, I think part of me was testing myself out to see how I could manage in such a situation. The good news is that I didn’t feel different or deprived in any way, but the bad news is that I ate heartily, “bad” things, and reminded myself of the old me in some ways. I even had a few pieces of candy corn and nonpariels from the basket factory assortment that we brought - both before and after dinner. AND, the insides of a small piece of pumpkin pie, and one bite of zucchini bread.
I can’t even say that I am stuffed after all of this, and still amaze even myself as to how much I can comfortably hold. Thankfully such special occassions and opportunities for overindulgence don’t come around every day…as if things were up to my willpower alone, I fear that I still have not learned my lesson or have the fortitude to resist. It sucks to admit this, but it is the truth and I must be mindful, like an alcoholic, to not put myself in such situations often. Interestingly, I am not great with buffets, but manage to do typically better than I even did today, for some reason. Perhaps it is the dispensation that I knowingly allowed myself today due to the holiday. I need to work on this!
In other less food oriented news, we did visit Kris at the Psychiatric Center today, and it went ok. However, shockingly, when I called a few hours ahead to ensure that she was up to it and all, the nurse who answered told me that they have already had to take her back off of the clozaril, as her blood values became compromised while on it. She was quite certain that this would harken another decomp. and that the visit we planned for today would again likely be our last for some time as these priveleges would soon be suspended as her mental status spiraled back downwards.
Today however, she was pleasant and happy to see us, although very preoccupied by internal stimuli. She talked more to herself than to us, and when she did carry on a conversation with us, it was about things often not based in any current reality. We’d be sadder and more upset about this, except that she seemed benevolently content for the time being, and her delusions seemed innocuous and were perhaps uplifting and interesting enough to distract her in seemingly positive ways and give her alternative realities more pleasant than her own to consider.
Tomorrow, Tom and I plan to rise early and test our luck with black Friday bargains, and will probably throw in the towel after a store or two and when we realize the futility of it all. It is clear that this process is not for the faint of heart, and I am not sure that even a great deal is worth it. But, we have a few choice things picked out and plan to brave at least Office Depot in the wee hours.
Then, we will be off to the casino for some playing, R&R, and no doubt, a good meal. If I don’t manage to write here tomorrow, I either got trampled to death at rhe store, or we are still mesmerized by the slot machines and were unable to peel ourselves away before midnight. Given these choices the latter is the better option - but may also mean that the money we worked so hard to save at 5 am went up in smoke just hours later, along with any semblence of a sensible eating plan, sleep and our integrity. Hmmm…. Nah…!
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Weight: 219.1 lbs. (First official day using new scale!)
I am unspeakably tired as I write this. It was a hard day at work and I raced to get everything done so I can find peace over the long weekend. This, combined with the fact that I was wired last night and didn’t go to bed until quite late for me plus got up today at 5:30, means that I am running on fumes.
This is making me think that I am hungry and I have had the munchies all day - when really I think that I am just all f***ed up biologically. If I had figured this out sooner, I probably wouldn’t have inhaled so many cashews at my desk today! And no doubt such calorie laden and carby excess is likely adding to my exhaustion….
I have managed to beat Tom home from work and think that I will at least attempt to greet him before passing out…and perhaps even make some dinner first as well. I haven’t given any thought yet to what this will consist of, but know that I have been content with simple things like soup and sandwiches lately. Tonight will mercifully be an “in” night.
Tomorrow we will be fed well by our friends Zoe and Dennis who take good care of us most every holiday. Dennis is the primary chef, and puts on an amazing spread. I have no real strategy planned for how and what I will eat, and hope that my smaller stomach will tell me how to handle things. I will shoot for the “good” stuff first, as always, and may take small bites and liberties if tempted at the time. I don’t expect to suffer too much angst over things as I can easily justify (excuse? deny?) a little hedonism and excess on such a special day.
I remain good at working out nearly every day, and also intend to keep this up through the holiday - perhaps more so, in fact. I have actually come to enjoy and look forward to my time alone with the equipment, and feel that I would miss this if I now left it out of my morning.
Afterwards, if the Psych. Center says she’s still ok, Tom and I plan to visit with Kris on our way to our friend’s house. I feel a mixture of anticipation and anxiety about this, as even at their best, visits with Kris can be painful and problematic, depending on her mental status.
In tomorrow’s post I will be sure to tell all about how we all fared on this visit, AND how much I (over)ate! Sometimes though, it takes things like visiting such a vulnerable and compromised soul to put things in perspective on a day that is about thanks, and to remind us that what we eat at any given moment pales in comparison to our greater purpose in, and tthe meaning of, life.
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Weight: 220 lbs.
Well, right after I wrote yesterday’s entry, I called the psychiatric center to check up on Kris, with my usual heavy heart. Only to find that they have again put her on Clozapine, and she is coming back around! They said that she has been doing well for about 3 weeks, for which I got angry and asked why they hadn’t said any of this in our last telephone conversation (or god forbid, called us!) about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I wasn’t even aware that they were reconsidering her for clozapine, given her negative medical history with this medication.
In any event, she is now able to be visited once again, and I was told that if she continues to flourish, that we may be even able to take her out for Christmas!
This is such good news, although I am somewhat apprehensive about how she will respond to us given that we haven’t seen or talked to her in so long and she always has such difficulty understanding when there are gaps in our contact - even when these are not “our fault.” We do plan to visit on Thanksgiving morning, and this will truly be something to be grateful for!
Today I have started the days back off with a good workout, and am rarin’ to go. Yesterday I ended up running the town looking for new laptops, as well as visiting a bookstore that is going out of business and has everything listed at 75% off. My idea of heaven!!
Last night Tom and I went to the casino where we won $148.75 on the $160 free dollars they gave us to play with. Not too bad of odds! We also ate in the lounge, where I had 2 bowls of chicken soup, some cheese, some pieces of fruit (pineapple, melon and grapes), and even a little piece of supposedly sugar free cake. Fortunately, today I weigh the same, as it is the end/start of my weigh week and finally, I am posting a little bit of a loss. Tomorrow I will begin using the new scale exclusively, and I will be pleased to be able to note weights to the tenth of a pound hereafter. This should help me to keep better track as well.
Well, today I am off to a long day of work - but I surely can’t complain as this is only a 2 day work week for me! I will definitely need to build my days and hours up in the new year!
But, for now, I am content fussing for the holidays…and although this represents a little more work, am delighted that we will need to take some time to wrap Kris’ gifts after all!
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Weight: 220 lbs.
…or, 218.8 lbs. if you go by our “new” scale! A few years ago we had gotten a Weight Watchers body fat scale that is expensive and measures more than just your weight. However, we couldn’t figure out things like how to program it for different users, and how to get an accurate body fat reading. I am not sure if these functions do now work or what, but Tom informed me yesterday that he has been using it simply as a scale, and it is in perfect alignment weight wise, with the professional one in our basement. He offered to bring it up fom me, and this morning I gave it a whirl and am thrilled to see that I might weigh even less than I think I do! It is also nice to have it measure to the tenth of a pound, and starting Wednesday, I will use this exclusively for my daily weights. The only reason I’m not starting today as it may skew my weight loss for this weight (albeit in my favor!), and it doesn’t seem fair to do this until just one day after my Tuesday weigh-in.
In other news, I finally did sleep long and hard last night, as I had been getting a little worried about my insomnia/hyperactivity/mania. In fact, I was hard pressed to get up this morning, and am still fantasizing about going back down for the count. This is unusual for me, as I have become quite an early morning person, and typically am a whirlwind in these wee hours. I think I am now groggy from too much sleep, or perhaps still tired from nights of too little.
In any case, yesterday was just the lovely day I had anticipated it would be, although “nothing” turned out to include everything from laundry to wrapping Christmas gifts! I am thrilled that these are mostly done already, and thank Tom for begrudgingly pitching in with his talents in this regard. I am a very impatient wrapper with little domestic ability, and were the girts left up to me, they would probably all be either in gift bags, or would be bumpy, clumpy, tapey messes wrapped in mismatched paper. Instead, there are nice looking packages for those we still exchange with - namely Pete, Barb (and Rick), Zoe (and Dennis) and some things for the secret santa at our metal detecting party etc. We also have some nice things for my Compeer friend Kris, but due to her fragile mental health status this year, we are unsure whether we will even be allowed to visit with her at the psychiatric center, where she now lives. This is very sad for us as for more than a decade, she and I and then she and Tom and I after we married, have celebrated the holidays together in special ways, and worked hard to ensure that she didn’t feel left out or alone at this time. Poor Kris has no family and if we are unable to connect with her this year, it is hard to imagine how she will interpret this or reconcile our absence, IF she is able to even recognize the holiday and is able to be aware of her surroundings or the circumstances. This is so sad and tragic of a reality for us, and it is hard to even imagine her suffering and alienation in this state of decompensation that she has spiraled into.
Sigh…. So, we didn’t know whether to even bother wrapping anything for her this year, and I will call the center (again) today, with admittedly heavy heart, to see if there is any “hope” or change in her status that might afford us the chance to even say “hi”.
Tom is now relatively newly matched with a male friend of his own, and we mustn’t forget to include him this season, and I have already made some suggestions to Tom for a good gift for “B”. This said, I believe that we are way ahead of the Christmas curve, and other than the big task of writing out a million cards, we can kick back and enjoy the season rather than fussing our way through it like the masses! This is how I like things!
Also today, I will make one final call to “Frank” to formally and regrettably decline the job, and will officially leave this chapter behind me for now. I feel relieved to be able to move forward with my current job while no longer wondering or worrying about my commitment to endeavors there, and to my personal life, including the Mondays off that I have come to covet!
I will also resume my work out regime, having stopped yesterday lest I bleed to death, and perhaps again today for additional time to recover. Tonight is the casino for our final night of double freebies this month, and rather than eat at the buffet, we are planning to use the “free” lounge in order to save our food points for our return on Friday when we go to simply enjoy the whole day. We may also try to sneak in a Black Friday sale or two, and are contemplating getting me a new computer as I now hog this one up on Tom all the time, AND it is very old and glitchy and cumbersome.
Yesterday, in dietary news, I didn’t prepare a great feast as I had hoped to while luxiouriating in free time, but did eat leftover souvlaki from the meal out with the girls the night before. Then, I forgot all about lunch (yes, the souvlaki was for breakfast!), and didn’t eat dinner until late. Tom and I both had soup out of a can - Chunky sirloin burger, to be precise. Not too bad on calories or even sodium, surprisingly, and quite filling and tasty. I then nibbled on some peanuts and an apple, for good measure. This wasn’t necessarily a balanced or protein rich diet day, but acceptable, I think. I also do believe that I have been eating less lately, although I am not sure why. My better weight loss may reflect this. I do still struggle to get in enough fluids, but at least am on top of the vitamin game, as my Celebrate vitamins recently arrived by mail, and I am now enjoying their grapey and berry goodness that ensures enough calcium and iron, at least.
Last night, Tom and I also watched some specials that I had DVR’d, including the Big Medicine Special where they revisit some patients who had been their largest ever, and some had lost massive amounts since their gastric bypasses. It was both sad and heartening…and seeing this helps me focus that much more on the fact that I have been graced with an amazing gift, and I must not waste it. I am also so grateful on repeated occassions to no longer have to diet in the strict sense, and have read and heard, including in the Dr. Oz weight loss special we also watched, things that remind me how demoralizing, tedious and difficult dieting can be. Lately, I am SO glad for having had the surgery and feel a new sense of appreciation and respect for its value. I’m not sure why this has come over me just in the last few weeks or so, but it is a good feeling of power, accomplishment and balance, and I am glad to have it!
With that, I am off to use my more nimble self to do my usual householdy things before Tom returns from his early run. It is gearing up to be a nice day out, so I also think I will run some errands….
And, just being able to talk like this, both because I still have Monday’s off, and because I have the stamina and ability to move like this now, is quite a thrill and I am content!!
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Weight: 220 lbs.
I’m not sure if today’s weight is entirely valid, as I have inexplicably been up since about 4 am, and weighed myself so early that it almost counts for yesterday’s weight rather than todays! Also, I barely slept a wink last night despite practically passing out on the girls when they were over and we were settled in for some shows together. Tom and I headed to bed soon after they left and I was sure that I was gonna sleep like a baby - but it turned out to be more like an insomniac once I got settled in. I think it’s my hormones….
So, I have been up trolling the internet and now posting here, for lack of any better ideas at this time of a Sunday morning.
In any case, I am very excited about today’s plans, and just can’t wait. I am practically wagging my tail with anticipation and enthusiasm. Guess what we are doing today. Going to the casino? Chinese Auction? Holiday shopping? Visiting friends? Movie and dinner?
Nope! NOTHING! Absolutely, gloriously, wonderfully nothing!
Originally I had slated us for a benefit for animals taking place nearly all day in Orchard Park, and had my usual mixed feelings about such a time consuming yet worthy event.
But, I have decided (and Tom is thrilled!) that this isn’t necessary, and doing nothing, especially given the state of my physical and mental condition, is just what the doctor ordered. And I am overjoyed with this plan!
So, I will likely catch up on tv, do a little laundry, maybe even read, check out the newspaper and especially the Black Friday ads, possibly cook a nice meal, and SIT! I may not even exercise today, and if I do, I think that the treadmill is all that I can handle. Heck, even God rested on Sundays!
So, although “nothing” is a euphemism for a little something (’cause really now, who actually does nothing at all - this would get pretty boring in about a minute!), my kind of nothing has promise to reset my balance and unjangle my nerves.
Having said this, I’m off to get a head start on my break, and that even means no more writing here! Sorry to anyone looking for weight loss wisdom, diet details, real life grit, exercise stories or the like - I’m off duty!!
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Weight: 220.5 lbs.
Well, I have given a lot of thought regarding my decision for the job, and am inclined towards turning it down without looking back. I feel a combination of relief, sadness, resignation and worry that I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. I have gotten some interesting and diverse opinions from friends, ranging from taking it for the experience and opportunities it may present, to “are you crazy, you can’t even consider such a low offer!” One friend went so far as to call the amount demeaning and about the salary of a beginner in this profession, and beseeched me not to consider it both for my good and for the good of the overall profession, citing that as social workers, we are often all to eager to sell ourselves short and accept crumbs, and that to take this would basically amount to setting the whole profession back for all.
The reality, at the sake of sounding cocky, is that I could find a far higher paying consulting job elsewhere if I were so inclined, and/or could even become a private practitioner given my experience, certification and the ability to accept numerous third party payments. The appeal of this particular position was that it would allow me to work with a population that I enjoy and am familiar with, and in an agency and setting that has a solid reputation in our community and that, as my supervisor so eloquently says, “is taking over the world.” People Inc. is, I believe, the largest not for profit organization in this area, and offers so many cradle to grave services to people in need, that they have a hand in every pot, and will likely survive whatever crazy cuts this field/health care may suffer. I unfortunately feel less certain about the status of my current agency, based on the constant grousings and teeth gnashing from administrators that I am privvy to as a current employee.
Just the same, I have decided that I will call on Monday and decline the offer, regretful yet hopeful that it will somehow be all be for the best and will be ok.
This morning, Tom and I went shopping, including to Barnes and Nobles (I just love it there!), Home Depot, and a gift shop where I used the $20 gift certificate that I had won some time ago at a chinese auction. Then we went to the Ukraine church where they had a bazaar, and enjoyed several hours of their trash and treasures sale, chinese auction, vendors and crafts. We won two big baskets, including one that I haven’t torn into yet, but looks as if it has some boxes of chocolate in it! (And coffee(yum!) and cookies (eek!) and cute kitchen items).
Anyway, as you can see, I still value my free time tremendously, and without worry right now about a 2nd job, can also focus more clearly on some personal goals for the coming year. One relates to self care, including exercise, diet and dressing better! I have continued cleaning out my closet in earnest, and am proud to now say that ALL of the too big clothes are in the garage, and I no longer pine for them! Instead, I “shopped” in the basement, and have brought up several smaller clothing items, including several pairs of non stretch top jeans…you know, ones that actually button!! I am delighted to get back into “normal” jeans that don’t look like maternity clothes, and I must say that I can absolutely see and feel the difference in wearing better fitting things now. I also found some nice sweaters and shirts, and feel that I have a beautiful interim selection of “new” clothing items to choose from for every dressing occassion. I still may have a more fashion sensible friend check throught these for me, but for now, even I can tell that they are much better than what had been in there. I was a little sad however to find several clothing items that I had managed to outgrow both on my way up AND my way down, and therefore NEVER successfully fit into and now must donate or sell them without having ever been worn.
Otherwise, this has turned out to be a positive and cleansing experience, even if I won’t be having a new job to wear them to anytime soon.
And diet and exercise wise, I am doing what I consider to be very good lately. I have been eating largely healthy items and portions, and haven’t missed a day of working out in a while. I actually rather look forward to it now, and it has become a habit and a routine. Soon, I will add some new machines or reps. to the equation - perhaps when my period is over and I have stopped aching. Right now, although my appetite has dropped off as it does at this time, I feel rather sh****y and would probably benefit more from a good nap than a bike ride!
Speaking of…Tom is down for the count and I can hear him snoring from the bedroom. Our friends Janet and Debbie are due over in a hour, so I don’t dare tempt myself in such a way, as knowing me I’d sleep through the bell or I’d awaken, groggy and grumpy, with what little hair I have left sticking straight up for my 2 best friends to laugh at. Perhaps I’ll make some coffee instead…! I feel as if I deserve it!
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November 30th, 2009 | 
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