Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 229.5

Sigh. I have gone back up in weight, and given how extreme my fluctuations are, I still think that it can’t represent true weight gain, as I would have had to have eaten like over 7000 calories or something. Granted, I did eat a lot, but geesh! I am inclined towards a theory of sodium intake (peanuts, soup?!) instead. Whatever. It is discouraging though, and as I’ve considered before, there is something to be said for not weighing daily.

In less self absorbed news, I met Tom at his urology appointment today, and was relieved that all seems well. Afterwards, we went to some estate sales together, including one that happened to be the family of two sisters whom Tom and I had been friends with like 25 years ago. I thought that I recognized the address from the newpaper ad, and once we got there, I immediately recognized the house and the fact that there were a lot of old tv tubes and other tv repair items in the basement. Given that the father’s profession was as a tv repair man, I knew that we were in “Rose” and “Nancy’s” parents (now deceased, hence the sale) house, and that the last time we were thare was in the 1980’s! Excited, I asked the estate sale staff if indeed this was the “J” home, and he confirmed that it was. I left a long note for “Nancy” who Tom and I have always wondered about, detailing how we have tried to find her and her sister, and how after Tom’s first wife died, he and I (who were only just friends 25 years ago) got married to each other. They too knew Karen, Tom’s deceased wife, and I think that all this information would be of interest to them. I then gave our phone number, should Nancy or Rose be interested in hooking up. Cool!

Tonight Tom and I are headed out to a big Chinese Auction/raffle, and as much as I love such events, I am feeling a little lackluster about it because I am weary and would also just love some time alone to decompress. I still have not heard back about my potential part time job, but the limbo is effecting my nerves, as is the thought that if I get it, I may soon have even less time to get critical things accomplished. I feel that I always have so much to do or that I want to do, but that everyday events, including auctions and garage sales, distract me from ever meeting more long term goals. In this way, as in eating I guess, I am quite impulsive and a hedonist!

Speaking of, another thing that I went to today, was a used book sale at my favorite branch of our library system. I love this yearly sale, and was pleased to find some good cook and diet books quite cheap. I love to read these - although you, like Tom, may laugh at me for having so many, as it’s not like I cook or anything! But, hope springs eternal! If I really read and followed all the diet, exercise, health and cook books that I own, I’d probably be the world’s healthiest, skinniest and most nutritionally balanced individual on the planet!

Aren’t the intricacies, idiosyncracies, “gray” areas and contradictions of human nature fascinating?! Despite being a social worker trained in the ways of people and their complexities, clearly I remain a mass (or is that mess?) of these myself, and there remains a huge gap between what I know and what I do, and between sense and sabotage, focus and ambivalence.

Oh well, life would probably be boring if we all moved in just one direction, said and did what we intended, encountered no internal obstacles, or never wavered in our enthusiasm or commitment.

And never spent more than we should at garage, estate and book sales, the casino or chinese auctions  And never ate too much or pushed ourselves to do dumb things just for the fun of it!  Raffle, here we come!