An October Kind of Mood

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Weight: 231 lbs.

I am back to being all weepy and grumpy again. I hope that my depression isn’t returning, and for now will assume that it is either hormonal, or a fall weather, funk type thing. I just got done watching something I had “taped” several months ago (the movie: “America”), and like cried through the whole thing. For that matter, I cried during “Hell’s Kitchen” last night, so it can’t just be the sentimental value!

I am surprised that instead of doing the jig over our schedules having finally smoothed out, that I find myself feeling edgey, anxious and even somewhat bored already. Today I was off altogether from work, and its not that I wasn’t happy to have time to run around getting things done (and to garage sales!) - but there is a funny, sad feeling that is haunting me and ruining my high. Part of me feels badly that I am unable to work as my caseload has dropped and some of my previous administrative duties were reassigned when our clinic underwent a transformation during the summer. I actually would prefer to not have days or part days off like I have been having lately, both because we could use the money, and because I am feeling somewhat unneeded and idle at this time. Fall in general is a bad time to experience a slow down (in my opinion), as I am typically more prone to bouts of melancholy and best be kept focused and busy.

So…I am half complaining and half trying to enjoy my newfound freedoms…. You would think that I could now engage in creative endeavors, meaningful activities and EXERCISE…and do plan to, but I guess not just yet. Today, when Tom returns from his job, we plan to visit some car dealerships just to get a feel for some particular vehicles that we are thinking we may want to replace his van with. We especially are drawn to small wagons and/or 4×4’s, like the Nissan Versa, Suzuki sx4 or even another Kia Rondo, as we like mine so much. We want something better on gas mileage, and ideally that has already depreciated a lot so as to be cheaper on the secondary market, AND, that has a good, transferable warranty. I guess that this will keep us focused and busy for a while!

In diet news, I am kind of eating whatever I find in the cupboard or fridge first. Unfortunately, I hate both shopping and cooking, so currently we have little food on hand, and that which we do have is canned or packaged and requires little work to prepare. Like the chicken soup I grabbed for lunch. With a few whole wheat crackers and then a banana. For breakfast, I had cold cuts (shaved turkey and a few slices of swiss cheese), also with a few crackers. I’ll need to succumb to grocery shopping someday soon, as we are out of most things that provide health or balance, including fresh vegetables and fruit (other than the like 10 lbs. of sour apples that Tom felt compelled to buy yesterday when he was out shopping with his new Compeer friend). And unless we care to eat soup or tuna or frozen shrimp for the next so many meals, we need some staples as well!

Oh, and based on a reader’s comment about my face not looking shigley, I did more research on this, and now actually tend to agree. From what I read and the pictures I saw, I am inclined to beleive that I instead may have a similar condition, called Herpes Simplex. This is apparently casued by the same virus and can be somewhat indistinguishable from shingles, but usually isn’t painful like shingles, and does tend to recur (as mine has) in the same place. Either way, the response sounds the same, so I’m not gonna run off to a specialist or anything…but it may explain better why I am more itchy than hurting.

Nothing else awe inspiring to report here, and at present, my mood feels like the weather - dreary, drab, blah. Do people in sunny, warm places (any Californian readers, perhaps?) get funky in October like us Northeasterners?

(And here’s a few pictures of how our cat, Gingerbread, is coping with the change in season. I guess Tom’s sock drawer is the warmest spot!