Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 231.5  lbs.

Geez, I seem to lose so slowly, and it is always a little down, back up, down, up and only then, down! Who are you people who drop like a rock, never to see the same number twice, and who are skinny in the blink of an eye?! Or am I just imagining that you exist? I feel that I have seen, talked and written to the likes of you, and I want to know what is the difference between us.

Oh alright, I know that I have been piss poor about exercising (but truth be told, I know that this is so of some of you as well!). And, I eat pretty heartily most days. Oh, and I rarely barf, dump or otherwise expel food in gross ways. And my choices aren’t always perfect.

But, I know that I am not the only one who all this is true of. Am I?! Some of you are militant in following “THE RULES”, but most of you are just doing your imperfect best and taking human liberties, at times. Right?

I’m not exactly discouraged or jealous or disheartened - but perhaps some combination of the three combined with curious and puzzled and interested in such differences, might best describe how I feel. On Atkins alone, years ago, I considered myself a quick and easy loser, although even then I exercised only sporadically, and later in the process, cheated at times. Even still, I feel as if the weight came down more predictably and steadily than it is at times now despite how well I seem to adhere to a good “diet”.

Am I deluded or in denial, or has my system changed?  I am no longer on meds., so I can’t consider these a possible factor any longer.

Can PCOS or being possibly peri-menopause be a factor?  Or I even just expecting too much of myself and this process, and maybe even comparing myself to the “wrong” group of people? The surgeon’s office, at my last visit, showed me the graph and where I supposedly am on it, and I was where I should be, according to this. Yet, when I hear of others having lost the same amount of weight as I now have,but are only 3 or 4 months out (Libby et. al!), or have lost like 30 more lbs than I have at the same starting weight and nearly the same surgery date and with no exercise, I do hafta wonder how we could be having such different results. Is my diet that indulgent in comparison?!

If the answers come back “yes” (even in my head), then I guess that I HAVE been sealing my own fate by eating so “well”.  I wonder if what can be a good thing nutritionally, can be very bad for meeting goal. Or vice versa. Or if there is a way to have both be on track (ie: eat balanced and well with adequate variety and nutritional value, keep it all down AND still lose as fast).

Anyway, these are the things I ponder at times, especially when my weight is “stuck” or I mysteriously gain on the heels of what I thought were conservative food choices. And, when I hover endlessly around a new weight that I am dying to get to (in this case, anything under 230!) and seem to take forever to drop in earnest.

Sigh…maybe I know the “right” answers after all.