Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 231 lbs.

Well, here it is! Don’t I look like who you’d want to take to the prom?! All day I saw staff and even my clients taking furtive glances at my bumpy face, mostly trying to be polite by not staring but clearly concerned just the same. I was actually relieved when one of my more outspoken clients immediately upon greeting me, loudly asked: “what’s wrong with your face?!” At least with him, I was able to explain, and not just leave it up to his imagination, which I suspect could lead to even worse conclusions.

Now, lets combine the pic of my eruption with that of my recent buzz cut, and it becomes that much more clear why what size and style underwear that I have on hardly matters at this point.

A head that only a mother could love!

The good news is that I am almost past the ability to fit some clothes that last winter I couldn’t even get an arm or a leg into. Here I am wearing a now loose (yet comfy!) outfit that I wish that I could wear longer, but fear that I will have to donate relatively soon.

Part of me will be sad to move on from some of my favorite clothes, but of course, another part is eager to get on with this weight loss journey, and continue on my way to thin(ner). My progress is still slow, and painstaking compared to some, but I am still pretty satisfied on most days with how it is all going. Mostly I continue to focus on balance and eating and supplementing in a way that suits me for the long term. Tonight Tom and I had tuna over salad with everything from olives to peppers to raisins in it for good measure. I ate quite a large bowl, and am pretty stuffed, but content, as I write this.

So, other than my facial deformities I am feeling and doing pretty well, and gratefully, not as vain as some women who would probably be wearing a burka, wig or floppy hat by now rather than be seen in such naked glory. I must also be grateful that my condition could be far worse. In fact, I had a long telephone call with a good friend today who is out on disability due to devastating side effects from a recently prescribed arthiritis medication, and in listening to her story, my whole face would have to fall off before my suffering rivaled hers. The poor thing even gained like 40 lbs of water weight in days as a side effect of this med. (amongst many others), and then had to face medical professionals who blamed it on her diet! Even I can’t gain that much on my biggest binge days!

So - I wish this special friend a speedy recovery and maybe even new discoveries and better than ever health to follow as she researches and finds most competent help to “put herself back together again”.  And, maybe I too can stand to learn from this process by addressing and nurturing my underlying health needs in a way that creates an even better foundation for healing and future well-being. And then “pretty” might follow.

 Gee…if only I’d thought of this sooner!