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Weight: 225.5 lbs.
It is soooo heartening to finally see my weight budge from what had become practically the same number for weeks on end! Perhaps kicking it up is helping already! Now I am into whole new numbers that I haven’t seen in years, and this is very motivatng.
I did work out in the basement again today, but not until later in the afternoon and when we were done combing a few estate and garage sales. It is drizzly, cold and windy out - but between the die hards who are having the sales and us buyers, it still made for an excellent day of bargains. In fact, we bought two adult bikes at one very underpriced sale, largely because they were so fairly priced we just couldn’t resist. One, a Raleigh 10 speed in perfect shape, was $5 (!!), and the other was $10. I called some friends who may want the $10 one for their son, and we will drop it off tonight on our way into North Buffalo for Halloween at Pete’s house as we are in their area anyway. Afterwards, as is tradition, we will spend the night on Pete’s porch, eating pizza, dinking hot cider and giving out candy to the hoardes of trick or treaters that he tends to get in his city neighborhood. The upstairs tenants have two wee girls who also join in the foray, and it is usually a nice night for all. Fortunately, Pete buys all the candy as if this were my responsibility, there may be none left for the children! We contribute decorations and stuff, instead. I will be hard pressed to resist eating ANY of the candy, and may allow myself a bit or two along the way. Fortunately I am more of a fries and bread kind of addict, so candy is actually less of a temptation for me that it probably is for many. Although I am already admitting to an anticipated cheat by having pizza and cider, anyway.
In other news, “mom” continues to be quite a fighter and is reportedly doing as well as can be. Tom’s brother’s wife wrote a long e-mail to all the siblings describing how she is, and comically said that: “she is unaware at this point that she suffered a broken hip and thinks that whoever was dancing with her the other night was pretty rough and really made her right side hurt.” Mercifully, she otherwise doesn’t seem to be in pain, and appears to be benefitting overall from the care, diligence and hydration that she is afforded in the hospital. Just the same, it is likely to be a long road ahead, and she isn’t entirely out of the woods yet. Kudos too to Ed and Paulette for all the help, support, time and energy they have spent ensuring quality care and being present for an ever increasing number of emergency situations and daily needs. We are very grateful to know that she is in such good hands and has such great family close by while we are stuck so far away!
In other news and as to my potential job, I have yet to hear anything, and just eagerly checked the mail lest a rejection letter come and at least put me out of my limbo misery. I guess that I will have to be patient and start another week unsure of my future in this way. Oh well, there is nothing really wrong with taking each day as it comes, I guess, and I am being pretty focused and productive in the mean time.
Well, Tom is snoring away as he is taking a mid day nap as I write this, and tempting me to go from focused to slug, and do the same. I must admit that it sounds tempting, and I have been good so far…..
So, maybe I’ll take just a moment and peek in on him and…Zzzzz…….
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Weight: 227 lbs. (ho hum!)
Last night Tom got sad news that his 90 year old mother had fallen and fractured her hip. She has been in a nursing facility for people with Alzheimers, and the poor thing has had a few difficult years of physical and mental anguish already. As I write this, we are awaiting news as to how her emergency surgery is going. It was scheduled for this afternoon. Tom is due home from work in a few hours, and hopefully we will hear some good news this evening. Our friend Janet is due over for dinner, and this may also provide a welcome relief from the waiting and wondering that we have been doing alone. We’ll try not to stress janet out too much by this though, as she has had so many hardships of her own to contend with.
I did manage to work out this morning, and it actually felt very good! I spent about 45 minutes using all of our equipment but the stepper (or whatever it is called) because I was sure I was gonna break my neck on the damn thing. I also skipped the total gym for now. I did do two laps on the treadmill, and quite a few rounds on the bike. Plus took the other things for a whirl. I felt all rubbery when I was done, and may be sore tomorrow!
For breakfast I had some leftover chicken, and for lunch, leftover chili and two slices of whole wheat bread. I imagine that we may eat at a Greek restaurant tonight, and I am inclined to get some kind of souvlaki dish, if we do. We definitely lead a simple dietary existence without much variety. I wish that I were more domestic, but it just isn’t one of my interests or strengths.
In addition to the limbo about Tom’s mom, I am still anxiously awaiting word, ANY word, about the job. I am ok with whatever happens - I just wanna know what the plan is! Will this be my last Friday off, or won’t it? Will I have to gear myself up for all the considerations invoved in starting somewhere new, or won’t I? Will I need to see if I can create more work for myself at my current job, or should I hold off? Arghhhh! I don’t do limbo of just one kind well, let alone two!
Well, I am going to fuss and fidget in other ways now, and in the mean time, perhaps you can send wellness vibes to Iowa where Tom’s mother lives, and pray for her peace and recovery! Thanks!
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Weight: 227 lbs. still!
Its been a long day and I am hungry, tired and a little toasty. Although I worked a long, hard day, I still managed to inhale 2 whole sandwiches over my 10 hour shift, both of which I had picked up enroute to work at a local Wilson Farms. Not the healthiest choices in the world due to the probably barely whole wheat whole wheat buns they were on, but at least one had tuna and the other had turkey and cheese and some wilted lettuce in it.
Hey, when in Rome….
Oh, and I also had a banana somewhere in between, for good measure. This all counted as both breakfast and lunch, as I didn’t manage to eat at home before I took off for the long day ahead.
And I had way too many cups of coffee - some decaf, some half and half, and some just plain old high test. I think that I’d be asleep now if I hadn’t had the latter during our evening staff meeting.
As to my potential second job, I am still anxiously awaiting a response, and had hoped to hear before tonight’s meeting so I could better answer when asked if I planned to start running groups and the like where I now work. I am just not sure yet what my time commitment will be until I know whether I have to divide my time or not. Maybe I’ll hear tomorrow….
Well, now I am off to eat some more - as despite my sandwiches, I am hungry again. I still think that my typical appetite exceeds that of “normal” post gbers, and my weight stall of late probably reflects this as well. The fact that I have been eating carbs and drinking caffeine, probably isn’t helping matters either. But, as I no longer feel fluey after last night’s good night sleep, I really do plan to start a workout tomorrow. I am off from work still, after all, and what better time to start than when I actually have some good time and am not yet pulled in too many directions (once again) to make this a priority. Maybe I can turn it into a routine or habit quick, so that when the “s” hits the fan again, I will already have incorporated it into my day and won’t resist as badly as I have been. I think that its always the starting that’s the hardest, doncha think?! Tune in tomorrow to see if I was right!
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Weight: 227 lbs.
Sniff, snaurk, snuffle. I don’t feel so good. I have a bad headache, a runny nose, sneezes and feel run down. Crap - I hope I don’t have the dreaded FLU.
This hasn’t effected my appetite any yet though, and I managed to inhale half of yesterday’s leftover turkey and cheese sandwich for breakfast, and a large handful of cashews that I keep hidden in my office drawer, for “lunch.” Not exactly a great diet, but decent protein to start me out.
Now I just wanna nap, having come home from work before Tom for a change. I may just do that after I blather here.
Perhaps my manic weekend and excitement over my “anniversary” yesterday has weakened me…’cause I just feel like I need a big break before I can drag myself on from here. I also realized that I am only taking one (30 mg) iron tablet a day (chewable), and wonder if this is enough. I will hafta look this up, as I am now worried that I’m not getting enough now that I have stopped “drinking” that vile liquid rust tasting iron.
I also need to plan a decent dinner for Tom and I - and food impaired that I am, it will likely have chicken or tuna or soup as it’s main ingredient, as even under normal circumstances I can’t quite muster what it takes to prepare anything more elaborate than this. I fear that a trip to the grocery store may be called for - but hope that I can figure something decent from whatever we have laying around, instead.
Where’s chef Ramsey when you need him?!
In the only other news today, I did send off an e-mail to the clinic supervisor of the p/t job that I interviewed for, indicating that I still wished to come aboard, but could only consider this at a certain per diem rate. Although this felt presumptious, snooty and even spoiled of me to do this, good advice I got from friends helped me to consider that my services shouldn’t go so cheaply, and that it would be wrong of me to either await his response BEFORE making this clear, or to just “settle” for less. Although this may jeopardize my chances, it is a chance that I am now willing to take. I have to remember that I am already employed and likely can build my hours over time at my current job, and that I needn’t grovel for work or accept less for the same responsibilities.
So, for now I am sitting tight and somewhat anxiously awaiting a response….and will focus on tending to current needs and realities while I do so. Like that nap, dinner and my long day at Aspire (9-7) tomorrow.
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Weight: 227 lbs.
It kinda sucks to start my 6 month anniversary from surgery out with a “O” lb weight loss this week, but on the other hand, I guess that I am fortunate that I didn’t gain considering my recent indulgences. Anyone who reads this site regularily knows that I am no paragon of dietary virtue, and that I do tend to take the kind of liberties that allow me to feel as if I continue to be part of the human race and that don’t contribute to feelings of deprivation or exclusivity. I’ve never done well with such feelings, and tend to rebound if I end up feeling too restricted, denied or deprived. Besides, I believe that the philosophy of such a procedure as a gastric bypass is to free one from a “DIET” mentality, and allow one to gravitate normally and naturally to smaller portions, healthier choices overall, and “normalcy.” Overall, I have done pretty ok with this concept, although a persistently good appetite and bad restaurant habits do tend to sabotage my progress at times, and I have not worked terribly hard at counteracting these forces yet….
But, for the moment, let me speak of current realities. I’d like to be bubbling over about my earlier job interview, but must admit to a feeling of deflation instead. I arrived 20 minutes before the scheduled start time, and was taken back 15 minutes early. I was out by the time I was due to start, given the brief, somewhat percursory and terse nature of our meeting. This director, like the woman that I met with before him, was also rather poker faced, and said that he’d like to have wrapped up the process and have chosen by the end of this week. he was clear that there were at least a few good candidates, and that the salary that they offered was MUCH lower than I currently get as a per diem rate. He added that he could only try his best with HR to see if he could get me more at least than the starting amount, which is well below what I currently make and too low to consider. This led to an awkward silence and the uncomfortable reality that although qualified and eager to work there, money may break the deal either for me or for them, as I can’t imagine that if able, they wouldn’t prefer to hire someone with less expectation in this area. Now I am more torn than before, and not sure what to wish for. My current supervisor has been clear that he doesn’t want to lose me, and that if I could be patient, there is reason to believe that caseload and other responsibilites would grow in time, and I could built back up my hours there. Sigh - I hate these kinds of dilemnas, although it is not clear if this decision will even be left up to me, or not.
Just the same, here’s a few current pics of me in my interview duds, now down 77 lbs. from my 4/28/09 gastric bypass.
But, I digress from the main purpose of this site. Interestingly, none of this would even be a part of my life now, had I not had the surgery. I would likely still weigh over 300 lbs., and my life’s energy and zest would be drowned by excess blubber, and like before, I could barely function at one job, let alone consider taking on a second. Sometimes I reread my old posts as a reminder from where I came, and it is now almost hard to imagine that I am the same person. Today I am full of energy and enthusiasm, and no longer think of my mortality on a daily basis. I now have hope for a brighter future where I can be part of the world around me, and I no longer limit my opportunities and experiences based on energy level or worry that I won’t have the stamina to keep up. If you have been a reader for a while, you can probably see how I have almost gone to the opposite extreme of living life with such gusto, that I hesitate to miss anything and push myself (and my poor hubby, Tom) very hard in the process. I am so busy having FUN that I have also become somewhat undisciplined and hedonistic, as well. Perhaps this is a necessary part of the early time after surgery and I will lead a more structured, sobering existence soon…and that this will include EXERCISE and more diligence about diet. I KNOW that these are critical aspects of long term success and the proper mindset - and haven’t forgotten them, just put them on the back burner while I break out of the gate, perhaps.
In fact, here are some pics of the multitude of exercise machines that Tom and I have largely acquired this year at estate and garage sales. I know that I have greatly enjoyed the process of BUYING them, and all that is left is the USING them part! Tom does daily, and is quite invigorated by the new choices he has and the ability to do circuit training in our own basement! Now all we need is an inground and indoor pool!
People often ask me if I am glad for my decision to have roux-en-Y surgery, and I have pondered this many times on my own, as well. At first and lasting longer than many, I was distraught about my decision, and unsure that I had done the right thing. I was skeptical, and reluctant to sign on to the mentality I heard from many others at the gastric bypass support sites, where people eschewed their profound gratitude, were thrilled from day one forward, and were awash with relief and excitement from the start. Today I certainly can’t argue with the ways that this has transformed my life for the better, and given me back a life that I had nearly forgotten existed. I also can’t dispute that in addition to my vitality, I have regained a measure of health that had also been lost to me for some time. I now take NO meds for diabetes, blood pressure, arthiritis or depression, and my blood pressure and sugar levels have never been better. The last home BP I took was 112/72, and it is just as often 110/68 and now never over 115/75. Before, even on meds, it typically ran higher, as did my blood glucose levels even while on Metformin. Today, all I take are supplements like fish oil, sublingual B, liquid D and twice daily chewable high dose multiples. I also chew my favorites by Celebrate (celebratevitamins.com) - iron and calcium tablets daily.
Today I prepared a picture “collage” that chronicles my progress spanning the last 6 months, with some extras thrown in for good measure. If you hover your mouse over the photo, a caption should appear and explain it further. You can also click on each photo to enlarge it, although some of me are large enough already! Check out this first one in particular - it is a photo of a photo, and of me looking rather whalish while floating around some years ago and before I had ever even heard of bariatric surgery. I was clearly a poster child for it long before I actually went under the knife!
Shudder! Now, here are some more current shots that follow my progress from just before surgery, up until today. These might prove more dramatic if I had lost 100 lbs. or at least more than the 77 that I have, but hey, they still represent a huge success to me, even if I do seem to be a slower loser than many. One day, I hope to be posting a picture of me down that whole 100, but I guess that we’ll all have to wait for this day, and I’ll have to cut back on a buffet or two and kick it up some, first! But for now, I am busy being grateful for what I have achieved, especially as this journey has definitely been more difficult and complex than I imagined it, and I have not been one to drop quick and easily as have many. I think that like having children, you probably can’t fully appreciate all the intricacies of this process, physical and mental, unless you’re in it.
In this one, at about 14 wks out, I am down 56.5 lbs
Now here I am at about 18 weeks out, and down about 65 lbs.
Here’s Tom and I livin’ it up in Atlantic City in about my 21st week post-surgery.
At 24 weeks, I am down nearly 75 lbs. and close to my current weight of 227. I just like this shot, so I thought that I’d repeat it from an old post and for comparison purposes.
And, here’s a few right up to the moment shots, in case you’re not sick of me yet!
Here’s my lovely open roux-en-Y scar today, and then my even more lovely bald head as we speak!
Lastly, for shucks and giggles, here’s a pic of my brother, Roy (this sites administrator) and I when we both were cute, and then me as college age skinny, the only time in my life when I wasn’t gordo and walked amongst the “normal” (for about one semester!)
So, there you have it - a photo montage of “My World and Welcome To It” and a chronicle of how it feels at this stage of the “game.” For those who know me, you are aware that I am not always about lightness and joy, and that I can be hard on myself, full of inner conflict, anxiety and angst, and a mess of contradictions. I would love to be reporting that I have only gone straight down in weight, followed the rules to the tee, never questioned the process and been only full of gratitude for the team that did me. But, this would all be a lie, and untrue to the mission of this blog as a candid, honest and often contradictory view of how one very flawed and conflicted human (thats ME!) can manage before, during and now after such a life altering surgery. Every day I still wonder if I have what it takes to meet goal, and where this will all “end”. I am still somewhat at war with myself, although to a much lesser degree than before the surgery. I still struggle with addictions, cravings and self sabotage, although I am usually quite in touch with these demons, and somewhat better at exerting control over them.
But, at least now I feel empowered and as if I have a system that I can work WITH, and that if I do right, it will do right by me in return. This, is the greatest gift of all and mostly at 6 months out, I am gratetful for this opportunity for success, and the chance for “normalcy” that it affords me. And this for today, sums up my journey to date, but obviously, with much more to come!
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Weight: 227 lbs.
I am breaking today’s post into two parts. I am starting off with this morning post, and reporting on the mundane, before I add pictures and commentary reflective of my now 6 month long (post-surgery) journey.
First off, karmacly speaking, I am in the zone! At the casino last night, we won $230.50, although I must admit that this was more due to Tom’s good fortune, than mine. We also had a fine dinner with our friends, although sad because they caught us up on their many difficulties these last days, including their need to put down one of their dogs, as well as my friend’s mother’s deterioration and now need for nursing home care. As baby boomers, this has cast them in a new role as caretakers of both her and her “estate”. Understandably, they were pleased for the comfort of our support and freindship, but emotionally exhausted.
As to the dinner itself, as always at buffets, I overdid it. Surprisingly, I could hold a lot before feeling very full, and managed to snarf about 10 large shrimp, some chinese chicken dish stuff, baked fish, a little cheesy cauliflower, a little eggplant parm., and even a few bites of dessert. Tasty, but blechhh! I am lucky to have not gained today - although it may show up tomorrow and /or have stalled me once again. My bad!
Also yesterday, while off from work, I got many, many household things accomplished, and felt the high that comes from getting somewhat caught up on those errands and chores that never seem to go away. At a little after 4:00, I settled in to check my e-mail, as I have not even made time to do this since middle of last week. I was HORRIFIED to see that the director of clinical services for the job that I have interviewed for, had written me LAST THURSDAY morning, asking if I could come in this morning, for a second interview!!
Needless to say, I typed him an apology with one hand, while calling him with the other. At 4:15 I left him a voice mail apology and asked that he please CALL ME to see if we could still make a plan to meet, and at 5:00, he did just that. I was greatly relieved at his understanding and kind manner when I spoke of not having checked my messages despite giving my e-mail address on my resume, and he was sweet and understanding and made light of this.
So…we managed to reschedule for this morning, bright and early, and I am now off for interview, part two! Now I am feeling more optimistic and relieved…and will tell all about the outcome in my “real” post later…! This plus pictures and more…so stay tuned! And wish me luck!
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Weight: 227 lbs.
So, tomorrow is my big 6 month surgiversary, as they say in the bariatric support sites. I can hardly believe that 6 months have gone by - yet, on the other hand, it seems as if the trauma of all that I have gone through is just a distant memory.
Tomorrow I will post pictures, comparisons and other surprise photos, as well as muse about the half year gone by. I have so much to say, and am excited for the venue to do so. I have hoped since day one of this blog that my journey may be inspirational, supportive or encouraging to others with weight problems or contemplating this process, as well as those who too have taken the plunge. I hope to write in a way tomorrow that is enlightening and helpful to anyone who can relate, and perhaps even those who can’t.
So, tune in tonorrow!
As to today, we are off to the casino tonight to cash in as we do each Monday, and are pleased to be able to treat friends Zoe and Dennis to the buffet while there. Unfortunately, while Barb and Rick are dealing with what they must in the wake of Rick’s mother’s passing and had to cancel as a result, Zoe and Dennis too could use some consoling and comfort as they just recently had to put their dog to sleep and are understandably sad and upset. So, we hope to provide some support and friendship while also cashing in on casino freebies.
So, for now and until tomorrow, I am off to take some cool pics and gather what I need to ensure a juicy posting tomorrow! See you then!
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Weight: 227 lbs.
Man, I am pooped. And its all due to my compulsive need to attend everything I see in the newspaper, keep plans at all costs, and not wanting to miss a single opportunity that may prove fun. So, I drive Tom and I hard, and we are forced to have FUN, dammit!
Today began by honoring a commitment to take Tom’s new Compeer match/friend metal detecting. We picked him up and as arranged, drove to Sarah’s suburban house to detect the “park” off her back yard. Except that given my fragile female state, I stayed in the house and drank coffee with Sarah, instead.Tom and I bought and brought lunch meats etc. and first ate turkey and cheese sandwiches, with peanuts and cider. I “cheated” and had this on Italian bread, along with a small glass of cider. The guys then headed out, only to return an hour later having found a lot of trash, and a fork! No Rolexes or gold coins for us! bernard was cute though, as he was fearful of “gophers” after asking about whether there were any wild animals they needed to worry about, and being told by Sarah about the possibilty that they might encounter one of these furry creatures. He wasn’t sure what they were, and was concerned at first, they they might be vicious. Clearly, he is all city dweller!
After this “country” adventure, I then had Tom zoom me to the chinese auction I just had to check out, while he ran back across town to drop Bernard off, because Bernard had some ball games he had to go to instead. I was halfway through eating a piece of pizza and some free desserts and cider, when Tom returned to polish off the rest of this junk food, mercifully for me, and once again, not so good for him.
At the auction, we won 2 tix to the Buffalo Philharmonic, which I am pleased about, and a Pepperidge Farm cookie basket! Honestly, I only bid on it for the coffees that were also in it. I swear!
We were sad not to win the grand prizes of either a Tom Tom GPS or a Laptop, but that would have been just too lucky for the likes of us lately.
Anyway, I now have an indulgence headache, and am beating myself up for the colossal waste of time, money and energy that this maraton weekend “o fun, has been. I really need it to snow hard or something, so I can stay in and focus on much more important and necessary pursuits, like PUTTING AWAY all the crap we have bought or won, cleaning out the garage so at least one of us can us it this winter, and getting things like the laundry done. Well, at least the latter we have now started, so we will have some clean clothes to wear tomorrow!
Lastly, when we finally arrived home, we came in to a message from Barb, having to cancel our casino excursion tomorrow, as Rick’s mother passed away suddenly. I am sad for him and them, and sorry for their loss, although she was quite frail and elderly and her death may have been a merciful exit from what had become a very difficult existence.
In any case, this is a sobering end to a hedonistic weekend, but also perhaps a reminder to enjoy life while you can - which we actually haven’t needed many reminders for lately!
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Weight: 228 lbs.
Despite the fact that the big ‘P” has made its monthly appearance, I am quite energetic and today, Ton and I have done an extraordinary amount of things. We left the house by 8:00 am to head out to garage and estate sales, and are now only home on borrowed time as we are actually in the middle of a chinese auction as I write this. How is this possible, you ask. Well, its not due to modern technology like it would be if “Chris” were posting about her recovery like she did while still in the hospital. (She explained to me that she was using an iphone or something too high tech for me to understand, and sending her messages to her uncocoon.me web site from afar).
For us, it is much more simple. The chinese auction is being held at the church directly across the street, and we have already purchased and put in our tickets, and only just have to return about 7 pm, for the drawing.
We also ate their “free” spaghetti dinner, and as I was starving from marathon saling AND an earlier chinese auction that only had donuts to eat (!), I did have half a bowl plus the salad, and then gave Tom the remainder and my dessert. I did have just one little nibble of the donut at the earlier auction, and Mikey (akaTom) ate the rest. That means that he had threee donuts and 2 glasses of cider at the earlier auction, plus a bowl and a half of spaghetti (not to mention several slices of buttered bread and 2 desserts) at this auction. I think my surgery may be saving my life, but killing him! I really wish that we could be good together, and hope that we will keep working on this as a worthy goal for the coming year. At least he works out, so he can inspire me about this, while I encourage him in better eating habits. Although if I actually shopped or cooked or something, this might help! (I may be a great garage sale and auction partner, but I really suck as a domestic diva!!)
Well, we’d better get back out there and see what goodies we may have won. Earlier we won several baskets, including one with wine, chocolates and other goodies in it. Although, the wine will be for guests, the chocolate will be broken out for a special treat or a special occassion, and the other goodies will probably be inhaled by Tom before I even get to see what they were.
Luckily, I also won us some fun girly atuff that I’ll enjoy, like apple themed kitchen goodies, candles and my favorite, an electronic device that lights up the colors of a traffic light, to help you park in your garage without taking out the back wall in the process. Definitely something we could use!
Oh, and at garage sales, Tom picked up a nearly new canister vacuum with all the attachments for mere dollars, and is thrilled to pieces with his find. (Isn’t this usually a girl thing?). I am equally as excited about the Gazelle exercise machine in great shape, that I found for $5. More great equipment to ignore - yippee! Actually, although we now own like every piece of equipment known to man and swore that we couldn’t fit another item in the basement, I am excited about this last thing, as I had a blast trying it out at the garage sale, and love the smooth feel of pretend skiing that it provides. When I really do start my program in earnest, I think I will be happy to have so many different and fun ways to move myself!
While out today, we also stopped at our friend Pete’s house across town (because Tom had to go to the bathroom so bad, truth be told!), and showed him the item. His first comment was about how many clothes I could hang from its arms. Oh, I think my friends know me too well!
On that happy note, off we run to try our luck once more….and finish the day as busily as it began!
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Weight: 229.5
Sigh. I have gone back up in weight, and given how extreme my fluctuations are, I still think that it can’t represent true weight gain, as I would have had to have eaten like over 7000 calories or something. Granted, I did eat a lot, but geesh! I am inclined towards a theory of sodium intake (peanuts, soup?!) instead. Whatever. It is discouraging though, and as I’ve considered before, there is something to be said for not weighing daily.
In less self absorbed news, I met Tom at his urology appointment today, and was relieved that all seems well. Afterwards, we went to some estate sales together, including one that happened to be the family of two sisters whom Tom and I had been friends with like 25 years ago. I thought that I recognized the address from the newpaper ad, and once we got there, I immediately recognized the house and the fact that there were a lot of old tv tubes and other tv repair items in the basement. Given that the father’s profession was as a tv repair man, I knew that we were in “Rose” and “Nancy’s” parents (now deceased, hence the sale) house, and that the last time we were thare was in the 1980’s! Excited, I asked the estate sale staff if indeed this was the “J” home, and he confirmed that it was. I left a long note for “Nancy” who Tom and I have always wondered about, detailing how we have tried to find her and her sister, and how after Tom’s first wife died, he and I (who were only just friends 25 years ago) got married to each other. They too knew Karen, Tom’s deceased wife, and I think that all this information would be of interest to them. I then gave our phone number, should Nancy or Rose be interested in hooking up. Cool!
Tonight Tom and I are headed out to a big Chinese Auction/raffle, and as much as I love such events, I am feeling a little lackluster about it because I am weary and would also just love some time alone to decompress. I still have not heard back about my potential part time job, but the limbo is effecting my nerves, as is the thought that if I get it, I may soon have even less time to get critical things accomplished. I feel that I always have so much to do or that I want to do, but that everyday events, including auctions and garage sales, distract me from ever meeting more long term goals. In this way, as in eating I guess, I am quite impulsive and a hedonist!
Speaking of, another thing that I went to today, was a used book sale at my favorite branch of our library system. I love this yearly sale, and was pleased to find some good cook and diet books quite cheap. I love to read these - although you, like Tom, may laugh at me for having so many, as it’s not like I cook or anything! But, hope springs eternal! If I really read and followed all the diet, exercise, health and cook books that I own, I’d probably be the world’s healthiest, skinniest and most nutritionally balanced individual on the planet!
Aren’t the intricacies, idiosyncracies, “gray” areas and contradictions of human nature fascinating?! Despite being a social worker trained in the ways of people and their complexities, clearly I remain a mass (or is that mess?) of these myself, and there remains a huge gap between what I know and what I do, and between sense and sabotage, focus and ambivalence.
Oh well, life would probably be boring if we all moved in just one direction, said and did what we intended, encountered no internal obstacles, or never wavered in our enthusiasm or commitment.
And never spent more than we should at garage, estate and book sales, the casino or chinese auctions And never ate too much or pushed ourselves to do dumb things just for the fun of it! Raffle, here we come!
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October 31st, 2009 | 
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