Necessary Mutilation

[Today's entry is by guest columnist Barbara.]

This is my debut that I have anticipated for weeks and here I am speechless.  For my friends who know me I know it’s hard to believe.  I can’t remember too many times in my life when I have struggled with finding something to talk about so this is uncharted territory for me. For the faithful followers of Donna’s journey through Bariatric Surgery and life thereafter I must admit I am not part of the family.  Looking in the mirror I ask myself why not? Truth be known it’s called fear.  Until Donna’s surgery and her blog I claimed fear based on the unknown but now I have to come to grips that it’s just plain fear of pain, shame, and failure.  Pain in that I would dread the recovery, shame in that I’d have to tell my family and friends I couldn’t do it alone, and failure in that what if I had it and it didn’t work or even worse years later I’d be in the same boat but with track marks on my belly. Faithfully reading Donna’s blog has made me rethink my fears and my goals in life. I have come to the conclusion that I need to put food in its rightful place in my life. Eat to be healthy but at the same time enjoy eating. My problem is when it comes to enjoy eating it means eating anything I want in any portion and the consequences of that mindset is why I am overweight today. Because of Donna’s blog and the many conversations regarding her new way of eating I have found the drive to set out and once again and get my eating in order. I have been following something between  Atkins, South Beach, and Susan Sommers, Sommersize diet. I have lost 13.5 lbs in 3.5 weeks and feel on a roll. It’s funny, but as I eat less carbohydrates the cravings disappear. Where I wanted to nibble on something constantly throughout the day, I now can go four hours without eating and not be starving.  Sometimes not even thinking about food. Can I stay on such a disciplined eating lifestyle? I believe I can as long as I plan what I am going to eat before eating and not just slip into mindless eating.   Also, if I vary my eating choices and prepare new menus I believe I can succeed. Time will tell and as long as Donna’s blog is up and running I shall continue to draw strength and determination.