Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 260 lbs.

Well, I finally lost enough weight that this whole week won’t be a wash. It may still be one of my smallest loss weeks yet, but at least I’ve lost some weight. I am still feeling insecure and down about my slow loss, and take full responsibility for this due to my continued struggles with motivation (to exercise and eat less and better). My ambition and energy in this regard seem to ebb and flow, and my esteem and confidence level go up and down with them. As read, suggested, taught, lectured, and beseeched, I am fully aware that I must kick it up a notch or ten…but as always, I can be my own worst enemy by defying logic and guidance and rebelling against even worthwhile concepts. If slapping myself worked I’d be a size two by now. If patience worked, I would have gotten on track quietly and gently and in my own time, but also by now. If logic worked, I’d have internalized books and teachings worth of information and have used all this wonderful knowledge to my full advantage by now. If Nike worked, I’d have sucked it up and gone into auto-pilot and just done it by now. If the doctor’s threats worked, I’d be fitter and trimmer and have healthier cardiovascular, skeletal, and muscular systems by now. Pray tell — just what will it take?! Is anyone else as fed up with me as I am with myself? (Don’t answer that!)

Continue reading “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar”