Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 262 lbs.

I’m starting to feel destined to be 262 lbs. forever! Why is it that some weights linger on seemingly forever, and at other times one flies by a particular weight and hardly notices its passing? Why is it also that when one is going down and sees a particular number, it feels exhilarating; but that when this same number is passed going up, it has never felt so demoralizing? In many ways, this is how I feel still. I can remember 262 quite vividly from not that many years ago as I passed it going up. This adds to my sense of occasional discouragement and frustration, as I feel that I’ve seen so many of these same numbers before, and this journey feels somewhat old to me. I hope that I will feel better as I enter into relatively new territory…although that will probably be some time and weight from now at this rate. My biggest and most important number will be 182 — as that is the low weight that I reached on my latest, greatest diet attempt some years ago. Although I was nowhere near skinny at that weight, I do believe that I looked and felt quite trim and nimble, and can recall how much easier it was to do everything from breathe to get around.

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