Necessary Mutilation

This entry actually covers three days: Tuesday, April 28 (surgery day) through Thursday, April 30.

Hospital days (written after release): Ouch, help, this sucks, please nurse please, why is no one coming; why is time moving so slowly; do they really expect me to _____ (wash; get up) myself; should I push the morphine pump again?!; oh please, not another visitor; God I stink!; I’d kill to have my hair washed - but how?!; ouch!; this nurse or whoever she is, is horrible/great/mean/stupid…..; I can’t take this another minute!; what was I thinking?!; there’s no way this was worth it; I can’t believe they forgot to hook me up to oxygen all night!; if I die its their fault!; I feel so sorry for myself; ouch!; please, please let me sleep; why must the nurses turn all the lights on each time they come into check my vitals during the night?!; why is this nurse so chatty when my throat is killing me and my lips have curled into a snarl from dryness and I can’t even talk or smile back at her; Oh God is it Friday yet?; what if they don’t let me out on Friday; can I will my temperature and blood sugar and oxygen to normalize; will it hurt more if I walk or if I lay here even longer; who designed these f’***ing rooms and this lounge chair?!; help; ouch. What are they going to do to me next?! God their thermometers and glucose monitors are antiquated.  You’d think with all our money they’d have more modern equipment.  What time is it? - I can’t see without my glasses.  Oh God, it’s still only …..!