Necessary Mutilation

Just random thoughts today.  Did I mention that I am HORRIBLY needle-phobic?  Yes?!  Tough, I need to talk about it some more.  As much as I realize it’s not logical or rational and needles can’t really hurt me, I can’t shake the overriding feeling of anxiety, nausea and squeamishness that arises just watching shows with heroin addicts.

All my life I have avoided them (needles, not addicts) however necessary, including having dental procedure without Novocain and a colonoscopy without an IV.  I prefer pain to a needle — so all those people that say “oh, it won’t hurt a bit”, have it all wrong.

I’ve even gone to various types of treatment to try and conquer this phobia, including EMDR which is supposed to unearth and heal the core trauma and/or belief that underlies it.  Although this worked to some degree (I perhaps have a better idea of its childhood roots); the trauma continues. Valium helps, as did my need some years ago to inject my diabetic cat with insulin (or she would die) — but not enough to cure me. (Although she lived another five years with twice daily shots.)

This is part of what makes my decision to go through with this needle filled process so extraordinary!