Necessary Mutilation

Tonight my husband and I had dinner with a single girlfriend of mine whose friendship dates back to graduate school (about 25 years ago).  Although thin herself, she watches “Biggest Loser” religiously (while snacking!) and, I thought, understood the difficulties of the obese.  I had purposely invited her tonight to talk to her - but was surprised at her response and chagrined at her apparent lack of support.

Her first reaction was that I hadn’t tried everything yet and that I haven’t even dieted for a while now.  When I explained my lifelong struggles and the weary, hopeless state I now found myself in when it comes to traditional methods without the edge offered by bariatric surgery, she cited Biggest Loser’s methods instead and asked me if I’d considered changing my diet (again!) instead.  When I told her I found this insulting, as if I’d neither thought of this before or tried it before, she said that her intention wasn’t to be insulting but that she felt there were better ways to lose weight. Sigh!  And, as if this weren’t painful enough, throughout the evening she randomly added comments ranging from, “So, you’ll never get to eat ______ again?!” to “No more buffets for you!” to “Oh, geez, I bet we’ll have to limit what places we get to go to when we’re together like we had to in the past when you were on xyz diet(s)”.

My husband was noticed to go largely silent and, despite my best attempts to advocate and inform, my girlfriend never really relented and ultimately left with clear misgivings, prejudices, and preconceived notions about me, obesity, and bariatric surgery.

I know that she is a long-time, loyal, and caring friend, but I must admit that not only was I taken aback but deeply offended by her lack of even feigned support.  Another note to self - further talks with her (and to Tom, etc.) are necessary.

I will clearly need some guidance in the management of external and internal reactions.  Admittedly my girlfriend’s reaction, although understandable and maybe even typical in some ways, does raise some questions for me (What can I really eat? What will life be like?) that are troubling and reflect likely changes in all of life’s dynamics and in important relationships currently spent with food as a centerpiece.